Cereal and Raisins? Cereal and Raisins? Cereal and Raisins?

I barely noticed them at first, but those words were now ringing in my ears. They started off as just another distraction, but they were drawing closer now, getting louder with each second. I could feel them sneaking up on me like a predator in the wild.

Cereal and Raisins? Cereal and Raisins? Cereal and Raisins?

The voice was now taking on an embodiment of its own. My attention and focus were being slowly sucked from my brain; as if my head were a juice box in the grips of an impatient and thirsting child. What kind of creature could have this odious effect on me? My curiosity grew, but I dared not look up, for I knew the predator would lock in and pounce on me.

Cereal and Raisins? Cereal and Raisins? Cereal and Raisins?

A bead of sweat rolled from my temple, ran across my cheek and splashed onto my jeans. The predator was now on top of me, violently seizing at my last ounce of concentration. I squeezed my eyes shut and attempted to clear the mechanism, but it was no use. The words were too loud now, too close.

And then, all of a sudden, they stopped. It was as if a conductor had furiously waved his batons for silence.

The cursed chant had ceased, but I immediately knew this encounter was far from over. The predator’s presence was now stronger than ever; I could feel its musty breath raining down upon me. I was sure it was ready to strike with claws drawn and fangs exposed.

I blinked twice, said a short prayer, and courageously looked up from my book.

A thirty-something woman with a face full of makeup stared down at me. Her cigarette-stained teeth glimmered against the fluorescent bulbs that illuminated the cabin. I could only assume her Continental airlines uniform was part of some elaborate disguise to conceal the repulsive, predatory beast that certainly lived beneath it.

Sir, would you like some cereal and raisins?

I exhaled, then smiled. For a split second I thought about asking for steak and eggs, but politely responded, “No ma’am, I do not want any cereal and raisins.”

My defense had worked, she passed me slowly, no doubt looking for other fresh blood. I considered myself lucky; my tactics had worked, but I knew she’d be back soon…

Headphones anyone? Would you like some headphones? Headphones…only five dollars.

What I remember from my last flight

• Poorly packaged, bland food that I had no interest in
• Mediocre (at best) service that left no lasting impression on me
• An argument with the TSA guy who stole my hair gel (those bastards)
• Carrying on two bags to avoid checked bag fees

And this was a flight that took off on time and arrived early.

The entire airline experience continues to go downhill for me. What is their customer experience goal these days? Is it to avoid pissing people off? It certainly seems that way, and sadly they’re not even good at that.

On Monday, Kevin Stirtz tweeted and wrote a post about Continental’s intention to start charging for food. I suppose I’m ok with that, but it needs to be better than cornflakes in a box and raisins in a plastic bag. The presentation was pathetic. It was almost as if they didn’t care, which maybe they don’t.

When is the last time you were wowed by an airline? Was it the whole experience, or did one person step up, go the extra mile and do something remarkable?

I’d love to hear about it; perhaps it will restore my faith…at least until that predator comes looking for blood again.